Wednesday, November 02, 2005

the dating king

in my attempt to be "better" i'll share this story.

my flat mate is somewhat of a dating officianado. so he was recently sharing with me some insight into the apparently very complicated world of dating. i think he's planning to write a book. or take his show on the road.

(aside, i prefer the term "flatmate" to "roommate" b/c it is so much more accurate. unless we're speaking of college dorm rooms.)

excerpted from an email, reprinted with permission (of course):

"i think the key is to not ramp expectations up....

if you want what i think is the "rules" view, the key to snagging a "marriageable" man is to appear "busy and important". thus, you don't get back to him right away, you limit the length of the date, you don't make plans at the last minute, etc. im pretty sure multiple dates in the same weekend fall under the no-no category.

of course, i think you're also supposed to sleep with him by the third date, so..."

this struck me as so hilarious that i had to share.

appear busy? most folks i know actually are busy. important is probably more debateable.

is there an algorithm for this interaction? maybe we could write one and make lots of money.

so how long is too long? is there a too short? how long to wait before returning calls? how do emails factor into this? when does multiple dates become okay? ever?
what if the two people don't sleep together by the third date? or the thirtieth? do they explode in some sort of spontaneous combustion reaction?

the questions are overwhelming!


At 12:37 PM GMT-5, Blogger dlamming said...

In my opinion/experience, it's not that most people our age are inherently busy, but that they make themselves busy. I think the two are actually quite seperate things.

I view busy people as people who are doing something time-intensive with their life, such as grad school or being a doctor, or a business person flying around the globe. Their chosen life-path (if you will) demands long hours and weird schedules. Religion (including volunteering for religious reasons) and having a family to take care of also fit under this category, IMO.

In contrast, most people of our age that I know chose to make themselves busy - visting family in other parts of the country, running off to cabins in the country, deciding to volunteer just for the heck of it, or taking up hobbies like kungfu, dancing, or sports. Lets call these people "active".

Does this make "active" people busy? Most people would say so, but I feel it's a misuse of the word. They are generally not occupied with something of deep importance to them, it's just that they've made a relatively short-term choice about what's more important to them.

At 12:47 PM GMT-5, Blogger dlamming said...

oh, and emails are supposed to be like phone calls - not waited for, and certainly not returned for at least a day.

any other easy questions before i take my show on the road? :)

At 1:59 PM GMT-5, Blogger oomm said...

Excellent story, you are, as they say, redeeming yourself. But you skip the true meat of the story, is there a flame that you are fanning and holding out on us?

At 2:24 PM GMT-5, Blogger catswym said...

i think your demarcations are purely arbitrary.

actually they are not arbitrary--they are designed to make you "busy" and others just "active".

just because something is a short term choice versus a long term choice does not make that choice or activity any less substantive, necessarily.

At 2:25 PM GMT-5, Blogger catswym said...

an entire day wait to return an email?

that defeat the whole instant-eity of the online world!

At 2:27 PM GMT-5, Blogger catswym said...

i think you mean, the "tofu of the story".

and i will admit said tofu exists.

At 2:29 PM GMT-5, Blogger oomm said...

sorry, I forgot, and stand corrected.

ooooh, there's tofu!

Bet you dance for the tofu.

At 2:41 PM GMT-5, Blogger catswym said...

haven't yet. but we'll see.

At 2:42 PM GMT-5, Blogger oomm said...

you get a gold star today.

Now I'm hooked.

At 2:42 PM GMT-5, Blogger dlamming said...

i don't consider myself particuarly busy, as things go. but don't tell the ladies that. :P

At 2:49 PM GMT-5, Blogger catswym said...

eeeek! a gold star. i'm so happy.

and that is because you aren't busy. but don't worry, your secret is safe with me.


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